The Beast Inside

"Everyone sees who I appear to be but only a few know the real me. You only see what I choose to show. There's so much behind my smile you just don't know." -Unknown

To stay silent, one must first find solace in their current settings. One must be content with all that is being thrown at them, and never change for the worse because of it. Life isn't about becoming a worse person because of the trials that we go through. I believe it's all the opposite of that. I believe that we must become a better person in every way possible, regardless of how serious a trial it is.
I have seen people lose loved ones, due to accidents, and they completely accept it and understand that they are safe from the world's harsh nature.

People wonder why I am a silent person sometimes. It's not because I'm depressed, or because I'm mad at anyone. It's because I need my time to think and accept how everything in my life is going. When all these trials continue to be thrown in my face, what do I do? I shut my mouth, kneel down, and begin to pray now. I may not have always had the best of habits towards when I prayed, but now I'm changing that. I've begun to pray every morning and night, regardless of how much time I have left. Now all I have to do is restart my scripture study habit, and I'll be much more content and find more solace in whatever trials I come through. It is through Christ that I have found my ways through the darkest parts of my life. It is through the angels of heaven that I cannot see, but feel around me, that I have been saved from dark places/people everyday. No longer do I associate with certain people, because I never felt light when I was associating with them, but I appreciate their company nevertheless. They have helped me learn the better ways of life.

I say all of this now, because I am extremely grateful to have all the wonderful people in my life, regardless of me knowing you well or not, you have all influenced my life for the better part. Thank you all so much. You have no idea how much the little things in life can influence those around you.

Song-of-the-Day: Demons by Imagine DragonsI recently found this song, and I absolutely love it. SO MUCH SO, that I want to do it for my comfort zone in Troylairs. (: I think I could do it okay. I've become more confident in my abilities to sing ever since Portland. Thanks to Mr. Peter, and Mr. Burrows, and EVERYONE on that trip! I sing more proudly, and much easier because of it. (: I love choir so much.

Shout-Out-of-the-Day: Everyone In My Ever-Growing Audience!

All: I'm not going to individualize the shout-out today. It's well deserved to everyone one of you, and I'm extremely thankful to have everyone of you here with me every day of my life. Thank you for all the love and support shown through your words, actions, and impressions. You all mean the world to me. Some, of course, more than others, due to the natural man inside of me.
I can never say enough thanks to all of you.
I have a hard time saying this, but... I feel like you all would maybe want to know. At one time, a couple years back, I was suicidal. I never cut myself, or took pills, or did any of that stuff that typically happens nowadays. I was just extremely depressed, and didn't want to socialize with anyone, due to my shyness to admit my true feelings about anything. I would always have a power-tool, or some kind of weapon at hand, because I'm a knife-enthusiast and a small-arms fanatic. I may not own many, but I have enough to cause damage to anything in my way.
Thanks to my friends, and my family, and those that I've come to love now, I am alive and very well. I mean... imagine all the differences there would be if I hadn't met you all. I mean... I'm not saying I'm a big importance in your lives, but I know I've made an impact and even saved a few lives because of some of the things I've expressed over the past two years.

So, thank you all for taking this little time out of your day to read this! I love you all!
AS ALWAYS, HAVE NICE DAY!

Win Where I Have Lost

"Don't do as I have done. Win where I have lost. Have where I have none. Don't let your demons drive. They'll just steer you wrong." -Adam Gontier (Three Days Grace)

Welcome back everyone! How was your first couple of days of February? I hope they were wonderful!
And hey, what day is it? SATURDAY?! You know what that means, right? It means colorization today! Ha, so today has been rather bland, so to speak. I was doing homework, for once, and then I actually ran out of homework.
So, I was sitting home alone, with nothing to do but wander the internet aimlessly. I decided that I'd use the website Omegle for the second time ever, and then I also decided to use the video option too! Little did I know, that I would come across a group of teenage girls. And little did I expect one of them to call me a "puppy".
AND AGAIN, little did I expect to talk with her for two hours, and then add her on Facebook and Skype. And so apparently my new nickname is Chocolate Chip (:
Ha, it was actually a lot of fun, and she completely made my day! She said I was THE NICEST person she's ever met on Omegle. I was totally surprised, but then I realized it's because of the habits I've formed. For instance: My lack of swearing, my turning around every time she got up, and my constant compliments to her.
And then I realize now, that I'm naturally nice to people, even if I don't know them. I don't really judge people, if I can help it, because I don't know people's story, and I don't expect people to tell me their stories straight off the bat.

Song-of-the-Day: Time That Remains by Three Days Grace

"Don't do as I have done
Win where I have lost
Have where I have none

Don't let your demons drive
They'll just steer you wrong
You won't get out alive

'Cause you can't unlive the pain
You can't rewind to yesterday
You might never find your place
In the time that remains

So if tomorrow never comes
From living fast and dying young
I hope the best is yet to come
In the time that remains for you.
 
Don't get me wrong
The mistakes I made along the way
Made me who I am today

The time is gonna come
You will wake up and realize
Just how fast your life goes by

'Cause you can't unlive the pain
You can't rewind to yesterday
You might never find your place
In the time that remains

So if tomorrow never comes
From living fast and dying young
I hope the best is yet to come
In the time that remains for you."I really like this song, especially because of where he says "Don't get me wrong, the mistakes I made along the way, made me who I am today."
People judge others too freely based upon their past, and aren't willing to overlook it, and move on with their lives. I mean, seriously? People learn from mistakes! If they did it, and they regret it, then they learned their lesson. Leave them alone for that, and stop bringing it up. It really doesn't help my opinion of you, if you bring up stupid stuff I did when I was younger. As children, we try things out, because we're curious! It's part of our time to learn, so don't keep your paradigm for us in a negative state based upon our past acts. People change, and move on.
Don't dwell on the past, because it just makes you a negative person, if you dwell for too long.

Shout-Outs-of-the-Day: Klara Spence, Shawn Phillips, Taylor Bird, Taylor Sorg, Taylor Hively, Jordan Maron, Chelsea Moore, Jori Ball, Jarrod Cook, Jason Kunde, Jacob Allred, Joshua Lowder, Kolton Barnes, Dante Hogue, and Ben Bingham

Klara: Hey Perrywinkle. (; Thanks for popping up, literally, on my screen, and then making this lonely day such a funny and great day! You're really nice, and I'm glad that we met!
Shawn: Ha, I miss our "Mickey Mouse" noises in class. We used to make everyone look at us, like what the heck. Let's start again, please?
Taylor B.: Thanks for always helping me with those higher notes that I have problems with. I look at you when I sing sometimes, because you have better habits, and you don't have to scatter breathe as much as all of us.
Taylor S.: I miss you so fetching much, Taylor. I'm so glad I could make your day, when I told you the poem again.
It saddens me that you didn't get the written form though. I had it all specially written out and stuff, so it was like really nice! I love you, Taylor! Please know that!
Taylor H.: Take care of mah wife, okay? Ha, just kidding... but seriously. She's my wife, and I'm just saying, if you hurt her, I'll hurt your face. OR WILL I? I'm not violent, usually. So, I suppose it depends on the day. Ha, you know I'm kidding, right bro?
Jordan: Dude! I love your videos! Keep doing your best, and I know you'll keep doing well with everything! I'm sad that they took down Minecraft Style all those times! It was such an awesome video!
Chelsea: Wifeeeee! Ha, I already miss our Zumba, and it's only been two days! We need to go together more often! Ha, we have so many jokes, it's getting ridiculous. OH, AND OMEGLE, REALLY?
Jori: Ha, just thought I'd let you know that you and Jarrod are seriously one of the cutest couples I've ever seen, and I hope you guys stay together for a good long while.
Jarrod: I'm proud of you, mister. Keep doing well with all that you do! I miss you being in our ward, but I know that whatever ward you're in, there will be a spirit there.
Jason: Thank you for being the best leader I've ever had. I'm so disappointed that I can't make the Snowmobile trip this year, but I know you guys will have a great time! Give your brother my best, please?
Jacob: We need to hang out soon, sir. I'm going to miss you when you're gone, but again, I know you'll be pleasing the Lord, and have the spirit with you wherever you go.
Josh: It sucks that you're grounded from coming to mutual for awhile! We've missed you, and I miss your spirit in the lessons. You always offer great comments, and great stories to help back up the topic we have.
Kolton: You're not winning this bet, sir. I promise you that whatever you do, it's not happening. I. AM. WINNING. And you're going to lose your bet, when I flip the roles back on you.
Dante: I'm so proud of how you're doing. I'm so glad the missionaries came to you and that you took the lessons. You have one of the greatest spirits I've ever felt before.
Ben: Hello ellimist. I miss having camp-outs with you! You're always fun to talk to, and I love how we have quite a bit in common.

So, I hope you all enjoyed this "T" day post! Have a wonderful night!
AS ALWAYS, HAVE NICE DAY!

In My Mind, Worlds Collide

"Something inside me is gone, but still I keep going on. In my mind, oceans divide. I don't know where I belong. But still I keep holding on and on." -Adam Gontier (Three Days Grace)

Three Days Grace, for many years now has been one of those bands that I've listened to every song they have published more than once. They've only released four albums in the past 9 years, and after their most recent one, they have had an announcement that hurt my heart.
Adam Gontier, the lead singer and writer of the group, is resigning his position as head of the band. He's decided it's time for him to move on with his life, and give Three Days Grace a goodbye.
He had a good long run, and I completely support his decision to do what he wants. I'm going to miss his musical talent, and his great inspiration. He's a great guy, and I'm proud of him for cleaning up his life, and becoming a better person overall. Adam, you will be missed!

Now, at first listen to this song, I thought it might be just talking about secluding yourself from everyone else in the world, and doing whatever you wanted while being "anonymous".
But, after much thought and analyzing, I come to the conclusion that it's completely different.
I perceive it to be about not caring what others think about you, or whether or not they know who the real you is. Find those people who you can be yourself with, and do whatever you want with them, and shout to the world that you don't care. Be anonymous, be random, be your true self. Your true friends will love you for it, and will grow closer to you every day.
This is how I am, most of the time. I don't change myself to please everyone around me. I don't act depressed to get attention, I don't pity myself. I'm always appearing happy, even if inside I'm in ruins, just so no one pities me. Pity can be good, but pity can be bad too. People will grow to believe you're just some melodramatic, depressing person who's always going on about what's wrong in life. Now, don't take me wrong about that, please. Because that's just the truth, at least with my experience. People used to call me depressed because of how I acted, so I don't go about telling everyone that I'm sad about what I don't have.
I go around and be happy with what I have been graciously given. I'm eternally grateful for all the experiences I've had.

Song-of-the-Day: Anonymous by Three Days Grace
Shout-Outs-of-the-Day: Eric Hoadley, Chelsea Moore, Jori Ball, Elaine Ritchie

Eric: Thanks for the CD, man! And actually, not to act unappreciative, but there is supposed to be 13 songs originally. I still really like the one you gave me. :D I just have to fix the missing two.
Chelsea: Hi, wife. :D Zumba on Thursday was some crazy stuff, eh? Sorry you weren't feeling too good, but I'm glad you finally got to see me Zumba in person. :D Love you, wife.
Jori: Yeah, thanks for making me feel bad, and for ALMOST successfully getting a hug on me. I told you, I. AM. WATCHING. I am not losing this bet by any means possible. And you are GOOD at making me feel bad, I have to admit. xD
Elaine: Thanks for telling me all those stories last night when we came to drop off your tickets. You're an amazing lady, and thank you for always being so respectful to me and my family. We love you, and I love you.

Alright everyone, I hope you all had a wonderful day, and that you've all enjoyed this!
AS ALWAYS, HAVE NICE DAY!