"The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them." -Ernest Hemingway
The revival is here. I'm so sorry for leaving you all hanging for several months... Things have been very different around here, and I want to let you know about the most recent and biggest breakthrough I've had in several months.
A few nights ago, I had a long encounter with my parents and we talked about everything that I've not told them for several months.
I'm going to recount a few of the topics which we talked about in the two hours of our talk.
My Last Few Weeks of School: I don't know how much I've said in the past about this to any of you, but... I'm an open book about certain things, and the last weeks of school are always the most stressful for many youth. Not only, in my situation, did I have finals and performances, but I also had different family issues going on. I have never before in my life thought to do what I did.
I cut. And not just once. I would sit in the shower, with a pair of scissors and slowly go across my wrist. I never bled too much... just a drop here, or a drop there.
The first person I told, was my girlfriend, Julia. She's the greatest support system I could ever ask for.
Now know now, that I have stopped, and I do not plan on relapsing back to that.
My Past: This is one of the hardest things for me to talk about. But I feel that I will make this out there. If you judge me for it, then I guess too bad.
When I was younger, approximately 6 years younger, I came across a game site that seemed all fun and games until I came across this very strange game... and as a child, I didn't understand what it was. But as a year passed, it became more frequent, and I still didn't understand what it was back then. But as I sit here now and look back at those terrible memories... Now mind you, I'm no perfect person. I don't talk about myself like I'm some... person without sin.
I know that what I did back then wasn't a good thing, and that I needed to learn from it. Nowadays, it's a lot harder to not find that kind of thing by accident.
That thing of which I speak of, is known as pornography.
So many versions of it are out there, and it's put everywhere in disguise. I know that when I was younger I would struggle with it, but... here I am now, not going back to that life.
I know now that we can be forgiven for our wrongs and be made clean before God. My testimony has been strengthened through all of my trials. Especially all of the recent ones.
And it is not our place on this Earth to judge others. So why judge someone for what they once did, or for who they are? There is no right to it. Only God has the right to judge us.
I'm sorry if this kind of thing is sensitive for some of you... I'm sorry if this kind of thing is hard to hear about... but I wanted to let you all know. I feel the support and love from all of you... and I return it all.
Thank you all so much for being here with me, through every step and every trial. You are all such wonderful people. I love you all. <3
In one week, it will have been 4 months.
4 months with the best girlfriend a guy could ask for.
4 months of having been with someone who truly knows the real me.
4 months of trials and learning.
Julia + James
